After I picked up E at school today, I was feeling a little guilty. Like I had not accomplished anything. So, I thought about it. Today I had: scheduled summer swimming lessons, deposited some checks, gone to the library, read my scriptures, fed my children repeatedly (oh, if only they didn't have to eat!), cleaned up the house, orchestrated naps, did M's reading lesson, written my "one page a day", changed several diapers, and delivered and picked up from school. And, honestly, that's a pretty good list.
So, why did I feel guilty?
Because of what I had not done, which included: catch-up on laundry, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning any bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen, thinking about dinner, bathing the children (a task I undertake a little less than often), catching up on the blog, writing "thank you" notes for gifts for S, and any other hundreds of myriad tasks which I promptly remember and forget at all times of the day. Sometimes I wonder about these forgotten tasks... what happens to them? where do they go? does something horrible happen that I either don't know about or don't connect to them?
This, to me, is one of the most difficult things about motherhood. This constant battle of "What should I do today?" This constant question of which tasks are going to make it to the top of my list. The measuring of repeated tasks like laundry and cooking, with timeless tasks like reading to your children, and tasks that others require of you for callings, work, service, or friendships.
What is supposed to get done each day?
And who decides?
I can tell you this much... it is good that newborns cry, or I might forget that nursing thing. It is good that E runs out of underwear, or I might forget that laundry thing. And it is good that M and GQ start fighting like banshees when they are hungry, or I might forget to feed them too.
Speaking of nursing... S is not so happy with my current prioritizing of tasks. So, off I go.
Meanwhile, downstairs the other children are drawing swords with blood on them and discussing how if you stab someone in the heart they will die. This is because I made the decision to read "Treasure Island" to them at night.
Obviously I have several mental problems.
2 comments:
The struggle of "what to do today" is one that I've had for a long time. It helps me to get organized and use lists and routines--that's just something that works well for me to stay on top of things and not let too many things fall through the cracks. The hard thing is actually staying organized and on top of things and finding the right balance of to-do's with spending quality time with the kids and doing things for yourself. Some days I feel like I get it right, but many days I feel like my kids get short-changed, or my to-do list does, or my husband does, or something else does. It's so tricky!
Guess what!?!?! I just read this blog before turning off the computer to get ready for work and ....I PROMISE I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP...I WAS JUST GOING THROUGH THE EXACT SAME PROCESS THIS MORNING AND WONDER ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME THINGS...ONLY I AM AT A VERY DIFFERENT POINT OF LIFE...INTERESTING....
Loved the blog...I love your family!!
Grandma Paula
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