On the way to school this morning, E announced that a certain girl at school was very popular,and she didn't know why. Since a main goal of mine with school is to not insert my strangeness (which is manifold) into E's consciousness, I said "What is popular?" E informed me that this is when everyone knows who you are. I asked how she felt about this, and she said "Fine, but I am running out of friends."
Hmmmm.
I believe this is when I - as the mother - am supposed to have some enlightening advice to give.
But hello - this is me.... nerd central. I'm pretty sure that only popular people produce popular children, so my kids are pretty much out of luck. Not exactly the kind of happy information to be sharing in carline.
Not that I want them to be popular. But I would like E to have one really good friend to go about being normal and well-adjusted with. As far as I can tell, the closest option for this is one girl who will play with E in the classroom (they are both "readers" and so they like to write stories and such) but ditches her on the playground. Since this often reminds me of my West High days, I don't have much fondness toward this fair weather friend - a fact I have kept to myself (and forced Justin to hear in late night long-winded speeches.)
But all this inner - and useless - dialogue aside... what am I supposed to say.
Is E bossy and a little intense? Yes, but she has enough of a complex about this and I've decided to lay off it for awhile.
Does E wear extremely strange outfits? Yes, and I'm sure she looks funny, but I really don't want to start dressing for peers at age 6.
Does E read at a pretty high level for her age? Yes, and I've seen how this bothers other kids myself. But I'm not going to tell her to go read in the corner.
So, how do I teach her to seek out that one good friend who cares about the right things? And how do I tell her to be that kind of friend when she is 6 and is prone to normal 6 year old fits and obsessions? And what do I say to her in the meantime?
Frankly, I've got nothing.
10 comments:
Oh, the good old West High days... :{ I feel like I was that fair weather friend sometimes. As hard as I tried not to be. Sorry about that. Annicka turns 8 this year and to think about her going to middle school soon makes me sick. You know, just let her be herself and love her lots when she gets home. Life is hard for a girl.
Teach her how to be a good friend to kids who need one. Teach her how to pray and follow the Spirit. Easier said than done, I know. I've had to think about this a lot, and we're still working on it. But I figure if my kids have those three things, they are going to be ok.
Also, smart kids sometimes need someone to talk them through the steps of making a new friend. (I learned this from my daughter's teacher.)
Such a hard thing as a mom, when they're away from you and you aren't really sure what's going on at recess. My 7- year-old daughter finally made two friends in first grade, but I only like one of them. My 5- year-old son still has no friends. They're lucky they have siblings!
I've got one of those too. I've worried about him, but he seems to be okay with who he is, and tries to be nice to others who are maybe on the outside of the group looking in. Good luck!!
I really hope my kids are nerds:)
I love that she loves to read and wears silly outfits if she wants!
just my 2cents.
probably going to have a similar post in a few years when Kayla goes to school. Since I haven't been there, I don't have any words of wisdom to dispense just a hint of sympathy at your dilemma of what you do as a mother. Good luck with that - and keep us posted on what you end up doing for those of us who will benefit from it...lol!
She sounds just like me. So, if you figure out that answer, would you pass it along? In my 30s and still trying to figure that out! :)
you're a real mom. it's offical. do me a favor and figure all of this stuff out and let me know when i have questions about my own kids. thanks jamie.
Grandma Paula sends her love and I am SURE that you have already gone to the library and pulled out books on making friends, but I have a REALLY fun one I like that I think is REALLY cute and instructive in a FUN way! I will send one your way.
Meanwhile, YOU DID A GREAT JOB WITH THE CONVERSATION, Jamie and I think the "popular" concept and longing for more comfortable connections is something we ALL relate to at some level. Every time I go by an elementary school ground, I have to NOT THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD OR I STILL GET A STOMACH ACHE thinking about all the little stressed people out there trying to be comfortable with each other! I guess I TOO REMEMBER what it was like!
YOUR CHILDREN ARE SOOOO BLESSED TO HAVE THE TWO OF YOU AS PARENTS TO COME HOME TO! Your home is the refuge they need and the "refueling" place that will give them ALL that they need for the world outside!
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
Love,
Grandma Paula
fwiw, you never know--josh was a nerd/dork in 1st grade and by later years--he's a popular well rounded kid w/lots of friends and straight A's, concurrent enrollment classes and sports to boot.
they all turn out exactly how they are going to! (hows that for ambiguous advice!) :)
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