Yesterday...

... M put her shoe down the toilet.

Apparently this kept her very busy because when she came out, she peed on the floor.

It must have been like when you go upstairs to get something, and you can't remember what it was:

"I know I came in here for something. What was it? Oh well, since I can't recall, I'll just put my shoe down the toilet."

And then, when you come back down the stairs, you're like "gee, now I remember" or:

"Oh, there's something wet on my legs. THAT must have been what I was going to do in there."

Afterward, I put her shoe in the garbage, because I was tired and didn't feel like disinfecting. Since M doesn't much get punishment - I'm pretty sure I could hang her from the ceiling and she'd just figure out how to pee upside-down or color on the light fixtures or invent some cirque de soleil moves - I just said:

"Well, I guess we'll throw your shoe away since you put in the toilet. Now it's gross."

(This was because Justin was calling me a derelict because I laughed when she showed us the shoe.... "You can't laugh," he said, "she'll just keep putting things in." So, I was trying to regain my A-U-T-H-O-R-I-T-Y. It comes in short batches lately.)

Anyway, she moaned for 5 seconds, and then asked if she could do something else atrocious.

Still, after she went to sleep I thought.... I don't want to buy a new shoe. So, I pulled it out, and washed it.

Now it's sitting on the counter.

You would think I could just put in the shoe cupboard and she would forget that I "threw" it away.

But that would only be if you forgot that E of the elephant memory lives here.

Sigh.

There goes the A-U-T-H-O-R-I-T-Y.